Talking with my lover (day 68 or ...)

So much has happened in the last few days. My lover and I are talking! A lot! Like daily. And while she is pessimistic about reunion, I feel so blessed that she wants to talk with me at all. I want her back as my lover, but if I have to settle for friendship I will do that. I can't say a lot more because she asked me not to write any details on this blog.

I've also changed my sobriety date. I think I ws being too hard on myself. I haven't had an orgasm since Sept. 16, so why isn't that my sobriety date? I reset it once because I touched myself without going to completion. I reset it again when I was not rigorously honest with my psychiatrist about having stopped one of my medications. But I have met the Sexahiolics Anonymous definition of sobriety the whole time -- no sex with self or anyone other than a spouse. So maybe I can give myself a break!

Sobriety from sex addiction is confusing. It's not like alcohol or drugs -- you either have used the substance or you have not. But sex and eating are "process addictions" rather than "substance addictions," and the definition of sobriety is thus more complicated.

When I first spoke with my lover a few days ago, she said, "I thought you'd have 60-some days. Why don't you?" I explained it, and she didn't say anything; she doesn't want to interfere in such decisions.

I guess I should discuss this with my sponsor. Duh. He's my S-advisor. I'll do that. Maybe I'll have to change the number back to a lesser amount. But for now, I'm following the SA definition.

Of course, if I get my lover back we will make love, which will violate SA because we aren't married. Sobriety is confusing. Really! But I have ....

Hope