On Saturday I got my second tattoo. It's four letters on my thigh: PDCH.
That's the initials of the four women I have been in love with. I've been thinking about doing this for a while, and just decided to go for it.
It got me thinking about those four relationships: In all cases, the woman ended it. My marriage was sort of mutual; I was already on the way out, but she actually asked me to leave after finding out about my latest encounter with another woman. So I really didn't end any of those relationships, which confirms one of the characteristics of Sex and Love Addicts: "We stay enslaved to emotional dependency, romantic intrigue, or compulsive sexual activities." For me, it's the emotional dependency that is the strongest. Don't get me wrong, I do not act needy or dependent on my partner; in fact, I'm rather dominant. But the dependency is there in the sense that I do not feel fully complete without a partner. I know that's not healthy but it's the way I've been since I started dating as a teen.
My lover completed me so completely! I had never been with someone who fulfilled so many of my needs. Yet I cheated on her. Insanity.
The other characteristic of SLAA that truly matches me is related to emotional dependency: "We feel empty and incomplete when we are alone." That's me. I've been alone for six weeks now, and I think it's been the longest six weeks of my life. But I still have ....
Hope
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment