A bad dream (day 5 of new sobriety)

I seldom remember my dreams, but this morning I awoke with one fresh in my mind after tossing and turning from 3 a.m. to 8 a.m.

My lover was lying on the bed, fully clothed. We were broken up, seeing each other for the first time. I was seated on the bed beside her. She told me that she had recently gone on a camping trip with an ex-boyfriend, totally platonic. I felt a little surge of jealousy. I asked her if she was seeing anyone. She said she had met someone on the camping trip, and had sex with him. I said I thought she was going to not see anyone until I was divorced, to see if there was a chance at reconciliation. She just shrugged. I wanted to scream, "Don't you even care about me?" But I didn't say it because I was afraid of the answer. I asked her if she planned to see this guy again, and she said she probably would. She had that glow on her glorious cheekbones that I used to see when she was sexually satisfied and content.

I woke up feeling angry and betrayed. Then I thought: We're broken up, and we have no commitment to one another. She can do as she likes. But I had sex with someone else while we were still together, while we were supposed to be a monogamous couple. So she is not the betrayer; I am.

Then I prayed that the dream wasn't true, or even any semblance of it.

Hope