The scariest part of the whole 12-step program is the first paragraph of How It Works. This opens chapter 5 of the AA Big Book, and has been adapted for many other fellowships. It states:
"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty."
Now I definitely have had problems with rigorous honesty. I have gone years when I was rigorously honest with my wife; she knew I masturbated, and there was no other acting out behavior at all. But there have been other stretches when I was dishonest, including my latest relationship. Which I don't understand, because she was so accepting that I truly think I could have told her anything. And I pray for a chance to be rigorously honest with her.
I do NOT believe that some people are born dishonest, and I'm surprised that AA (and other 12-Step programs) would say that. Because that would be someone who is permanently, biologically flawed, and that's not what 12-step is about. 12-step talks about "character defects" on which one can work.
It is true that I have had difficulty giving myself completely to the program. I thought I had, but I must have held reservations, because I relapsed. What I have to do now is thoroughly follow the path. Which I have done for 21 days....
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