Church with my daughter! (day 25 of sobriety)

This morning my daughter went to church with me! She hasn't been to this church for more than three years, but she was welcomed so warmly. It was cool to see -- lots of hugs and smiles and "My, you've grown."

This was the first weekend that I insisted my daughter spend time with me -- a minimum four-hour block. I've been seeing her twice a week since I moved out of the family home last December, but mostly after school, and for just a couple hours. The reason? Because I was spending every weekend with my lover. Probably a selfish move on my part. But my daughter didn't mind -- she's very upset with me for the end of the marriage, and she doesn't want to spend much time with me.

For this weekend, I offered her several options, and she chose church and a couple hours after. I'm sure that was for her convenience. By going to church with me she was killing two birds with one stone, spending less parental time than if she had gone to her mother's church and then had to spend four hours with me on top of it. But I didn't care; it was so cool to have her in church.

Afterwards she came over to my apartment, which she had not seen before. She had seen the first apartment I moved into in the upstairs of this house I own, but I since have moved downstairs. She didn't comment much; the house she lives in that I moved out of is 3,000 square feet and beautiful. This apartment is about 900 square feet.

Still, I feel good that she has finally seen my place. It was wrong of me to put my lover first every weekend for the past 8 months. Now I have lots of weekend time for my daughter. Small consolation for losing what could have been the best relationship I ever had, if I hadn't cheated on my lover. Or maybe it's not such a small consolation. Maybe it's a big consolation. Maybe my daughter is at least as important as any lover!

A surrender prayer my pastor said in church this morning:

Break me
and put me
on the potter's wheel
and mold me
into what
I am supposed to be.

Hope